Caffeine, Sarcasm & F-Bombs.

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Transitioning from one decade of your life to the next, or one chapter of your life to the next, can really be a clusterfuck (clus-ter-fuck: noun. A chaotic situation where everything seems to go wrong. It is often caused by incompetence, communication failure or a complex environment). After evolving through a couple of these moments in time myself and after just turning 30 last month, I am sitting on the conclusion that the only way to navigate effectively is with a whole lotta caffeine, sarcasm and f-bombs.

Thirty. Thirty feels good, and, I have a lot of high hopes for this decade because my teens and twenties seem to have been much like a script stolen from a lifetime movie series. I am exhausted and ready for the easy days. I’ve got the scars, read the books and gained the knowledge. I am friggin ready. Some of yous may be thinking how silly it may sound for a 30 year old to already feel exhausted but let me tell ya, I have found that it doesn’t matter how many laps around the sun you have, its the depth of your growth within each lap that matters and everyone advances at their own pace.  Ahem.. but uh, feel free to disagree with me as this is just a silly blog.

Anyways, after years of watching people post their food and baby pics on facebook and instagram, I permanently logged out, checked out, of the social media world (shout out to Pinterest though – you have my heart, yo) and I loved it, to this day, I love it. I don’t need to see Susie from grade school and her 5 fucking kids rolling around the yard, good for you, Susie, but I could give two shits about what you and your mini daycare ate at Pappasitos over the weekend. Iv got better things to do than stalk you like lounging in my cute little apartment in the city, far from the white picket fences of Pleasantville, watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s with Obi Wan. Check Please.

I mean no harm to those that partake in the social awkwardness that is social media. I would just  rather see things of more substance from people, not their half eaten stake and private moments that should be cherished with families and not blasted onto the web for an applause from followers. No one is that special, man. We all shit, piss, cry, lose and win. I dunno, maybe I will see it in a different light in my next chapter of life but so far I simply do not. It was a whole lotta WTFs scrolling through my last news feed on Facebook and I never turned back.

Now, here I am creating this blog and yes, this blog has an Instagram account, duh, so clearly I have lightened up on the whole social media world as it continues to move and grow. I am at a point in my life where I want to share and document things as I feel that this transition, or, chapter of my life may be one of the best yet and I find myself in some very humorous situations that may entertain or intrigue you guys a bit.

For instance, I work as a family law paralegal in uptown Houston. The shit I see and hear on a daily basis is hysterical, bizarre, dirty and sometimes downright heartbreaking. I am at work right now and shouldn’t be on here but its Friday, so shoot me. As I sit here and type this beaut up for your reading pleasure, there is a mediation going on in the other room. I am not on the case so I have no idea who is in there or what the issues are but I can hear a woman screaming and crying. If its over custody of her children, I can sympathize, but, mostly in this part of the city its all about money. Our firm has a pretty high net worth clientele and its always about money, honey. Most of the times I am simply astonished at what comes out of our “red carpet” client’s mouths. For instance, I was sitting in a deposition the other day and the following occurred:

*Note – read the following in the slowest , deepest southern, West Texas kinda drawl you can possibly do.

Counsel: have you ever thrown anything at your wife?

Defendant: Well, what do you mean?

Counsel: Well, I mean have you ever thrown an object at your wife?

Defendant: Well, let me see. A football, a baseball, maybe a Frisbee or two…so yea, I guess  I have thrown things at her. Things like that. We have done sports.

Me: What. The. Fuck.

That is just a small tidbit for you when it comes to my job, many more to come I am sure. but lets get back to me and what may be one of the best chapters of my life so far…

After meeting my little companion, Obi Wan, and living in my new role as a single dog mom in the city, I realized that this chapter of life was going to be something special and these times will forever be cherished. I have stepped into a world where I feel comfortable being me and actually paying attention to what I want, just me and my Obi Wan. Just me and Obi Wan  in the cutest little apartment overlooking the park in the middle of Uptown Houston. This is the first time in my life where I have loved my place too and everything seems to be moving so effortlessly. Sure there are aspects of my life, like my job, that can be rough but I am one blessed little lady these days. With just the right amount of coffee, sarcasm and f-bombs, I can’t see what I wouldn’t be able to accomplish in the chapters to come.

So, to all of you 20 something’s that may currently be struggling though some rough waters or clusterfucks yourself, you gotta zoom out of all expectations and social media demands and put yourself first. Smack some lipstick on, grab some coffee and find yourself a damn good dog and you will be just fine. If you are talented enough to throw some sarcasm in the mix, you will go far my dear. Cheers to you.

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